This Moment...

Hoping::: That moving to Moranbah isn't as bad as I think it is going to be in my head.

Appreciating::: Time spent with my family. As soon I will be living 10 hours away from Mum, Dad, Jordy, Jono and Tarl.

Learning::: That I need to have more patience. That playtime with my kids is more important than the housework.

Making::: A patchwork throw to go over the couch.

Looking Forward To::: 2012 and it's possibilities.

Planning::: Moving your entire life 10 hours north involves a whole lot of planning. Boxes to collect, over 100 books to pack, children's toys to cipher through and organizing the moving trucks!

Eating::: Left over's from Christmas.

Reading::: Strangely, I have nothing on the go at the moment. Hopefully when life calms down and we are all moved into our new home I can start on this book I've been meaning to read titled 'The Help'.

Listening::: To a band called The Middle East.

Watching::: We got given the complete Harry Potter DVD Box Set for Christmas. So Zachy and I are going to have Harry Potter week this week, as Josh goes back to Moranbah tomorrow. :(

Missing::: My sister already.

Dreaming::: About our new life in Moranbah and how I hope to get into more art and craft projects once we are up there and settled in. Also dreaming about buying a new camera and blogging more. :)

Wordless Wednesday #2

Welcome To Holland...

A gorgeous friend (who I am yet to meet, but would still consider her to be a friend) linked me to this poem and I knew I just had to share it.

http://www.our-kids.org/Archives/Holland.html

please hit the link and have a read. It's so beautifully written.

much love.

oxo

Parenting 101...

So today I found a spare minute while Maddy is napping to write a post on parenting and simply, well, how difficult it is sometimes.

Last night I made the decision I wanted to be a better, more teaching parent. So today I'm sitting down with Zach trying to teach him how to write his name by following dot to dot that I had drawn. When I come to the realization that I have no patience. Zip. Zero. None.

Zach doesn't tend to watch what he is doing, making my job of trying to teach him thoroughly hard. Ever tried to teach someone who simply stares off into the distance? (trust me, its very frustrating).
As a 4 year old sometimes I feel that Zach should be more advanced than he is. I know he has echolalia (which I've explained about in an earlier post but incase you missed it here is a link explaining what echolalia is) but I think, should he be able to do other things like draw a picture? Zach will just draw lines or scribble, there's no real picture that he is trying to draw. He just sits there with the pencil and draws and says 'around and around and around' while drawing big squiggles.

He also has no fear of strangers and no common sense, he would walk straight out infront of a car and not think twice about it. He walks up to people (almost like an involuntary action) and says "Hi what you doing" even when they answer him, he still says "Hi, what you doing" or repeats what the person has just told him.
Like I said in my earlier post, we had Zach checked over by a private paed and he came back with a negative diagnosis of ASD (Austistic Spectrum Disorder) but now I'm not so sure. I walked out of the pead's appointment not really feeling satisfied and feeling like he didn't really answer any of my questions at all! I spoke to Josh about this and he told me to stop being so silly so I put it to the back of my mind.

I'm so tired of trusting 'professionals' because as a mother I know when something isn't right with my children. From now on I will always trust my gut instinct and my gut is telling me to get a second opinion. So that's what I'm currently in the process of doing.

I'm not writing this post to try and have a big whinge about how naughty my kids are.. I'm just trying to write out what's in my head so I can read it myself and get some perspective.

I'm just so tired of yelling, but honestly some days, that's all that will get through to Zach. I just want to know how to help him and how to help me also.

There are those days when you question your ability to be a mother and if you are even doing a good job at all. I'm currently having one of those days.

Maybe I just need a cup of tea and a lie down. Fingers crossed Maddy stays asleep for me long enough to recharge my battery for the afternoon.

I hope everyone out there is having a slightly better day than me. :)

I love this pair more than life itself

and I just want to feel like I'm

doing the best I can for them. 

only slightly obsessed with this song...

you can watch it HERE!!

I am Grateful..... For This Amazing Man

My best friend, my fiance, my Josh.

That handsome specimen right there is Josh. Yes ladies, he's taken! 

I have been with Josh for 7 years now.. 7 LONG years.. I say LONG because we have had our fair share of ups and downs.. I met Josh when I had just turned 18 and he was 21. He was annoying at first to be perfectly honest, but he grew on me.

People go their whole lives trying to find what I have and for that I am grateful. Josh puts up with my outrageous moodswings, for e.g. I can go from being completely happy and normal one minute, then I suddenly realize the house is a bombsite, I haven't been productive enough today and go into cleaning/bitch mode for about an hour.. (sorry babe, I know I'm nuts... and thanks for sticking around anyway)

This past year we have had to say goodbye to this house:

27 Popes Road. Our 1950's art deco home.

Josh worked in an incredibly shitty job just so we could pay the mortgage on this, the first home we ever bought. After Josh lost his job and our mortgage (which we did not get on a fixed rate) kept going up and up and we got further and further behind, we realized it would be best if we simply handed it back over to the bank before they came in a forced us out. 

It's funny, because there is just SSSOOO much you have to do to obtain a home loan.. so many people you have to go through, so many documents you have to sign. But when you hand your house back to them, all you have to do is sign a single piece of paper and its done. No sitting down with bank managers, no lawyers, no nothing. Just go in sign a piece of paper and walk out again. You are now homeless! (we were lucky enough to find a cheap rental before we signed out home over, so we weren't homeless)

It was a truly tough time, especially for Josh who felt like he had let us all down. But he still remained strong and positive throughout. 

So I'm grateful for this man! He makes everything worth while, is generous, is loving, always supports me and even let me sneak off for a iced chocolate at Gloria Jeans today with the bestie and my sister while he watched the cricket and played the Wii with Zachy.. WHATTA MAN HUH?!?! :)

Zachary James...

So, at the start of this year in the second week of February we popped a 3 year old Zachy into daycare for 2 days a week for the first time ever.

first day of kindy :(

I was a little apprehensive at first, like all mothers, I just wanted Zach to never leave my sight and just be around me... but on the other hand, I was looking forward to reclaiming a day where I could go to op shops without having to take Zachy with me and the tantrums, toilet runs and "i'm bored" that goes with taking Zach anywhere. 

He went amazingly well when I dropped him off, Zach is a super social little boy and ran off and didnt even look back as I left!! :'( (am I really THAT boring??) When it was time to pick him up, he chucked the biggest earth shattering tantrum and did not under any circumstances want to come home with me!! (how rude right??) 

anyway, so he had been going for about 3 months and everything was going pretty swimmingly and then one day the director called me in and wanted to have a talk to me.

she said she was worried that Zach was showing signs of a child with autism and that I should take him to see a private paedatrition. I was pretty upset by this and thought immediately "what the hell does she know? there's absolutely nothing wrong with him!" (this is called defensive mother mode.. as a mother you will experience many a time)

At that stage we were financially unable to take him to see a private paed, so we opted to go on the hospital waiting list... AND BOY DID WE WAIT!!

A few months passed and they were able to get Zach some funding to get Zach his very own teacher. (which was an absolute blessing) 

Long story short, the hospital jerked us around so much we cancelled and got Josh's parents to pay for a private paed to see Zach.

He was diagnosed with a severe form of Echolalia and no autism! (I did a mental high five when the doctor told us he wasnt showing any of the signs of autism)

so it was off to speech therapy we go!

Yesterday was Zach's second speech therapy lesson.

Zachy learning to associate words with his therapist Kylie

At $75 a pop plus $30 in fuel to get down the coast every fortnight, its no easy feat for us to afford this, but when it comes to your children there absolutely nothing you wouldnt sacrifice for them. Nothing you wouldnt do for them! 

Zach is coming along in his speech in leaps and bounds. He can even sometimes tell me what he did in the day if he concentrates hard enough. 

sometimes I get that awful mothers guilt, like, "is this my fault? did I not read to him enough? should I send him to daycare where the other kids dont really like to play with him because his speech is a little different? what could I have done differently?"

the answer to all the above is something I just cant answer or fathom in my head yet. 

We have cut him back down to one day a week, as I just cant handle him possibly being picked on 2 days in a row.. kids that age can be so harsh, and altho it doesnt affect Zach (its seriously water off a ducks back) it may affect him later on in life. 

most adorable boy God ever put on this earth.

I just want Zach to experience happiness every day.. I'm not going to lie tho, he is a pain some days and I struggle to cope with his tantrums (especially in public), but at the end of it all, I want him to be truly happy with who he is and know that I am so proud and honoured to be his mamma!